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Articles for this week's Archive
Retraction: Justice Dept Defines Torture
US Serviceman Tortured!
Justice Department Defines Torture
Kerry Kicks Off Demoralization Tour 2005
Yanukovich Contratulates Gregoire
Rather Loses Faculties, Still Wants to be First
Idiot Throws Out Original Star Wars Laserdiscs
George Soros' New Year's Resolution
Bush to Marines: Stop Taking Names
Red Cross: Green Day is Torture
Retraction: Justice Dept Defines Torture
On Friday, January 7, we
printed an article implying the Justice Department took two years before writing guidelines on the difference between interrogation and torture. We found out we were wrong, that guidelines always existed, and interrogators at Guantanamo Bay often had to
get permission from Donald Rumsfeld himself to do things like play good cop bad cop.
These guidelines have now been released by an ACLU FOIA lawsuit for the public to see for proper oversight of our government. They have also been faxed to Al-Quaeda and Hamas operatives in charge of their Escape and Evasion training so they are up to date on the latest US interrogation rules and restrictions.
We apologize for the error.
US Serviceman Tortured!
We have obtained
this transcript of a torture session involving a US Army serviceman. We warn readers that it is disturbing, but in the interests of truth we are presenting it in full detail.
ACLU 1: ACLU lawyer
ACLU 2: ACLU lawyer
RED CROSS: official Red Cross rep
SGT. JOHNSON: army interrogator
FEDERAL MARSHAL: Brock Landon, hard ass
ACLU 1
Now we will discuss how you tortured those prisoners at Guantanamo Bay
SGT. JOHNSON
Nobody tortured –
Aclu 2
Shut up! Don’t answer until we ask a question!
aclu 1
On the day in question, did you or did you not offer the prisoner a chance to look at the ocean if he answered your questions?
SGT. JOHNSON
It was the prisoner’s idea, he wanted –
aclu 2
Just say yes or no!
aclu 1
I’ll take that as a yes. So you admit you offered preferential treatment to one prisoner?
SGT. JOHNSON
Well, I also offered a candy bar to another
aclu 2
Did you hear that? He admits it! You tried to treat the prisoners differently, instead of all the same!
SGT. JOHNSON
Um, so?
aclu 1
But that is against our rules. You have to treat them all equal. You can’t give treats.
SGT. JOHNSON
Well I know, the Major wouldn’t let us –
aclu 2
You know what? I think this is the guy that wanted to give them MREs instead of nice spiced lamb.
SGT. JOHNSON
Only for one guy that wouldn’t cooperate. We thought if he had to ate what we ate, he might be more willing to cooperate.
aclu 2
Let me at him, why I oughta –
aclu 1
Relax, we’re not here to torture anybody. That’s Sgt Johnson’s job, isn’t it?
Sgt. Johnson
Wha-
aclu 1
On to my next question. On the 3rd day in question, did you or did you not yell at a prisoner?
Sgt. johnson
I might have, I probably yelled a lot
aclu 2
Oh this guy is so pissing me off! Will you listen to yourself? You piece of -
aclu 1
Don’t worry, he’ll get his. Now Sgt. Johnson, did you ever strike a prisoner?
sgt. Johnson
No, that was against the rules.
aclu 1
Are you sure?
sgt. johnson
Yes, we had to get Rumsfeld’s personal permission to even offer them candy.
aclu 1
Well a Mr. Mohammed says you put your hands on him.
sgt. Johnson
That guy? No, what I did was grab him by the collar to make him think I was about to hit him. See they know our rules, they know we’re not allowed to touch them at all. So if I grab his collar, suddenly he’s not sure, he thinks I’ve gone psycho since I’ve just broken my own rules. The threat of torture works much better than torture itself.
aclu 1
So you admit striking a prisoner?
sgt. johnson
No, I just explained I never hit him, I just scared him into thinking I was about to.
aclu 2
Did you hear that? He admits he scared a prisoner! You are out of control mister!
sgt. johnson
For scaring him? –
aclu 2
Don’t you know scaring a prisoner is a cruel and inhuman form of torture? Next you’ll be telling us you played good cop bad cop!
sgt. johnson
Well on one guy we did. We had to get Rumsfeld’s personal permission to play good cop bad cop, since you lawyers won’t let us use regular police interrogation methods. I had a psychologist and two lawyers watching from behind the two way mirror to make sure the prisoner was not abused –
aclu 1
Wait, first you admit you actually played good cop bad cop? And now you admit Rumsfeld was personally involved?
sgt. Johnson
We had to get Rumsfeld’s personal permission on almost everything, we weren’t allowed to do whatever we wanted –
aclu 2
That’s enough, I’m gonna kill him!
(enter Red Cross)
Red cross
That’s ok, I’ll take it from here.
(exit ACLU 1 and ACLU 2)
I’m from the Red Cross. Sorry about those two. Here, have some water.
sgt. johnson
Are you here to help me? I think I need a lawyer, though I’m not sure why.
REd cross
Help you? … yes sure, I’m here to help you. I am a lawyer, yeah. But before I can help you, I just need you to tell me everything that happened. Did you ever pretend to be someone you’re not?
sgt. johnson
Well yes, on one occasion we had a guy come in and pretend to be from the Mossad.
red cross
I see. Ok, and did you ever threaten somebody with worse punishment if they did not cooperate? Like when a police detective says he'll talk to the DA to get a lighter sentence if the suspect talks?
sgt. johnson
We did some thing like that. We promised good or bad things, depending on if they cooperated or not. The thing is, even though we threatened them, we couldn’t follow through or force them to do anything.
red cross
Like what?
sgt. johnson
Like I couldn’t hurt them no matter what I said I might do. For instance when I made this one guy stand most of a day, if he refused and sat down, I’d have to let him, I couldn’t force him to stand. The rules don’t allow me to do that.
red cross
And did you inform him of that?
sgt. johnson
Well, no, that would let them know they had all the power. In any interrogation in the US the prisoner always has all the power, they just don’t know it. For common criminals, all they have to do is say "lawyer" and the interrogation's over.
red cross
So you made them dependent on you?
sgt. johnson
Yes that’s the basis of all interrogation, even police interrogations
(enter ACLU 1 and ACLU 2)
ACLU 2
I’ve heard enough! You are going to be put away for a long time!
red cross
Will you stop threatening him? Now Sgt. Johnson, everything will go a lot better for you if you just admit torture. I’ll even speak to the prosecutor on your behalf.
sgt. johnson
What? I thought you were my lawyer?
red cross
Did I imply that? Sorry I must have lied. Now please, admit what you did and the healing can begin.
aclu 2
Yeah, admit it or I’m gonna rip your head off!
(enter Federal Marshal)
federal marshal
Brock Langdon, Federal Marshal. You’re under arrest.
ACLU 1
He’s right there officer.
federal marshal
Not him you ninny, you three. For torture.
red cross
What? We didn’t torture anybody!
federal marshal
Let’s see, I have you on misrepresenting yourself, playing good cop bad cop, scaring him, promising better treatment if he cooperated … Oh, and you also tried to manipulate his emotions to make him dependent on you.
aclu 1
None of those are torture.
federal marshal
They are by your definition.
red cross
But you’re a cop! Cops do this all the time! It’s not torture!
federal marshal
Tell it to the judge
aclu 2
This is madness! He’s in the military! That makes him a war criminal! We have to go after him! I’m gonna get you for this!
federal marshall
Oh threatening a federal agent now, huh? Great that will add more time. All right let’s go!
(exit all but Sgt. Johnson, who takes sip of water, looks around, leaves)
Justice Department Defines Torture
On Dec 30, Daniel Levin, acting chief of the Office of Legal Counsel, issued a statement for the Justice Department defining torture. "In 2002 we wrote a memo on the
legal standing of mujahideen captured in Afghanistan. Our main point was not that we should torture them; but rather that, according to the Geneva Convention, these were illegal combatants rather than soldiers. Even professors Koh and Hutson, called before congress to testify against Gonzalez during his confirmation hearings, suprised Senators by agreeing with him that Al-Quaeda fighters are not POWs.
"That was when we realized maybe we needed a definition of torture, since people had different ideas. The
Red Cross and
ACLU said that being wrapped in an Israeli flag, being kept up late at night (which happens to me every time my neighbors have a party), or even just playing music was a form of torture, even going so far as to say it is 'inhuman.'
"Now if we're talking about Barbra Streisand, I agree, that
is inhuman. But AC/DC? No way! I would
love it if someone were to torture me by making me listen to them all day! Unless of course it was the
Celine Dion version of You Shook Me All Night Long. That is torture, definitely ...
"Excuse me ...
"Excuse me, I just threw up a little in the back of my mouth ... "
He went on, "But what we really needed was something that stated unequivocally what torture is. We were really worried about the harm that might come to prisoners, not because we're worried about retaliation against US soldiers (they already get tortured when caught) but we don't want to violate our own law and torture these mujahideen, just because some only pretended to surrender, hiding weapons, or tried to kill us after they were captured - So we worked as fast and hard as we could to come up with concrete guidelines for our prisons.
"Some criticize us for taking so long, but we had a lot of work to do, and wanted to make sure it got done right, to protect both our soldiers and to protect the prisoners."
He indicated one of the office workers and said, "Jim here had an important task: he had to organize our annual volleyball tournament. That alone takes up most of the year, and since we have one every year, you can imagine he doesn't have much time for less important things.
"I personally had a lot of vacation time built up, and they told me if I didn't take it I would lose it, so I was forced to take the vacation time. That was about 80 days of vacation. Then the rest of the time I had other work, like organizing the annual bake off.
"As far as the rest of the team goes, they were busy training for the Justice Department's team we entered into the Eco-Challenge 'Law Enforcement Special.' So that took up most of the last two years for them. Hopefully all that training will pay off this year.
"So you can see, we had to work hard to make sure we were able to define absolutely what torture was. I'm sure all the prisoners in Guantanimo Bay will appreciate our detail orientedness."
Kerry Kicks Off Demoralization Tour 2005
One of our reporters accompanied Senator John Kerry in his Demoralization 2005 tour, which started this week in Baghdad.
"What is sad about what's happening here now is that so much of it is a process of catching up from the enormous miscalculations and wrong judgments made in the beginning," he
told the troops. He also accused the Commander in Chief of "horrendous judgments" and "unbelievable blunders."
"It indeed is demoralizing to the enemy that you're still here," he went on, "I can't believe so many of you are still alive; I thought for sure we'd have a 90% mortality rate, instead of the lowest mortality than of any war in history. But that doesn't mean it will stay that way. Mark my words, all of you will die if we don't stop Bush and Rumsfeld. Go US Troops!
"And since you will probably die, since our supply lines are so shoddy, and none of you have armor, look in the mirror now and tell yourself you deserve it. Because you are all
war criminals. Even though we've had less civilians die in this war than in any other, that's not good enough. Yes that's right, because this is an illegal war, and you are all guilty and deserve to be punished. Go US Troops!
"In an effort to support the troops, I am lobbying to change the US military code of justice. No longer will the US military be allowed to shoot at people when they aren't looking. First the soldier or Marine must identify himself, stand up out in the open, and request the surrender of the so-called enemy. In fact, we will line up and fight in formation. That is the only honorable way to fight a war. I have also spent some of my own wife's personal fortune to buy handcuffs for you all, so you can wear them and the fighting will be more fair. Go US Troops!
"Let's rock out! Let's get demoralized! This is Demoralization 2005!"
Other speakers Kerry brought with him included Carol King of Pacifists for Soldiers, who said, "My organization is pro-military. We support our troops! That is why we help investigate any claim of abuse by the insurgents. We must assume the US military personnel are guilty and sequester them until the investigation is completed. This proves to the world our objectivity so they won't all hate us. We need to protect the good troops from the bloodthirsty maniacal civilian killers. Therefore, we are setting up a hotline here in Baghdad. Any insurgents that feel they have been oppressed by the US military can call our hotline and we will investigate it. Go US Troops!
"We also want to stop the despicable practice of
taking photos of prisoners. This is tantamount to
torture. In an effort to help out our soldiers, we also
post pictures of our undercover special operations warriors, so that the Iraqi insurgents will know who they are. Going undercover and sneaking around breeds mistrust, which is not what we need right now, the Iraqis should know what our soldiers look like. Go US Troops!"
Bob Goldwinn representing the Quakers said "As you may know, we Quakers are pacifists. As pacifists, we cannot interfere in evil regimes oppressing people. But neither can we stand idly by and watch the US invade other countries illegally. With that in mind, we are proud to announce our partnership with Doctors Without Borders in a food and medical supply drive to help the insurgents, just like we gave
medical aid to the North Koreans during the Korean War. After all, these are not
bad guys, they just
disagree with us. Go US Troops!"
"I'm really glad Kerry came," said PFC Brad Johnson of Alabama after the speeches. "I was starting to think things were going well, the people were for us and not for the terrorists, we're getting more recruits wanting to join the Iraqi Police forces, and we're about to have elections. Boy, I'm glad John Kerry set me straight."
"I was just thinking about how
we have armor for our trucks," said Sgt. Todd Buster, "but I realized I should believe the media, not my own eyes."
"I was going to go home to my wife and kids," said Major Benedict Birmingham, "but how can I now that I know I am a war criminal? I didn't think I was, but now thanks to Kerry I know we all are. Well luckily according to him this was is a quagmire and we're all going to die anyway. Curse my baby killing hide!"
"Make no doubt about it, I support our troops," Kerry concluded, "I support you guys, the good guys. That is why I have to protect you from the bad among you, that give the rest of you a bad name, the ones that put their comrades' lives ahead of the people we're supposedly protecting. That's also why I voted against providing you with armor and equipment, because without it, the war will go worse for you, and you will get to go home sooner, well some of you at least, the ones that make it back. I'm doing this for you. Go US Troops!
"Woo hoo! Let's go! Demoralization 2005!"
Yanukovich Contratulates Gregoire
Losing Ukraine presidential candidate Viktor Yanukovich called Washington State's governor-elect Christine Gregoire to congratulate her on her victory.
"I told her how vee all look up to her," he told us in an interview on his private jet on the way to Seattle. "Vee made a big mistake in my campaign. I hire consultants from
Cicero, Illinois. They send me thugs that beat up voters for my opponent, Viktor Yushchenko. That proved to be very unwise move. Not elegant solution to make sure election turns out way it should.
"I really liked her use of lawyers to throw out election law. Also, when she was behind in votes, claiming
voting irregularities, playing to fears of
mud people. And now she is ahead in votes, asserting there are
no irregularities. Brilliance, sheer brilliance.
"I only wish I had her subtlety. My ham hands in physically assault on voters did not pay off. I forgot this is internet age, every idiot has camcorder. I should have used lawyers to fight, like Gregoire, not fists. I go to Washington, Gregoire has invited me to assist her. One of first things I do when I get to Washington is outlaw camcorders. And also
blogs, especially blogs. In old country, vee have vays of dealing with media. They know to stay in line, not to get too, how do you say,
uppity.
"However, now she has a different fight on her hands, the time for subtlety is over. She has to get Republicans to shut up. Even some
Democrats need to shut up. That is where I come in. With my Russian Legitimate Businessmen Club friends, we help Gregoire clean up Seattle politics. Make sure no one interferes with running of state. I will be lieutenant governor. Yes I know, she has not said so, but I will make offer she cannot refuse.
"I have much to learn from American politicians, how to
fool people instead of beating them. When I go back to Ukraine, I will rule with iron fist, and people will accept me and love it. Democracy is beautiful, no?"
Rather Loses Faculties, Still Wants to be First
The CBS report is rumored to be released Friday January 6, or rather, a
report on the report will be released. During a disturbing interview he granted to us earlier today, we came to the sad conclusion that Rather was losing his faculties. If after reading it, readers wish to help Mr. Rather, concerned citizens can give money to the Fund for the Mental Health of Biased Dinosaur Journalists that
Cannot Accept that they can't Snowball the People Anymore. We present the entire transcript below.
"No one has ever
proven that the documents are a fake," Dan Rather told us in an interview. "The jury is still out. Just because no document expert will verify the documents, and many typographical experts, including the so called
father of modern typography, have proved no typewriter existed at the time that could type those memos, does not prove they are fake. All it proves is that the pajamahideen are waging a
jihad against us in the media, following their
Nazi leader, George Bush.
"Their arguments are shakier than cafeteria jello. The burden of proof is on those saying the documents are forged, not CBS that claimed the documents were real. Even though our document experts told us they couldn't verify the documents, we ran the story anyway, because they couldn't
prove the documents were fake. Experts schmecksperts! Goo goo ga ga! I'm Dan Rather!
"If the documents are ever proved to be fake, then I will be the first to report it. I stand for the truth. Of course, no one can prove something is not true, only if it is true. But that doesn't matter. I'm Dan Rather!
"Have you ever heard the phrase 'innocent until proven guilty?' It does not mean the burden of proof is on the affirmative side (rather than the negative), as all those Debate Team Republicans would have us believe. It means, when I say something you must believe it is true, I don't have to prove it, you have to
prove it is not true. After all, I am Dan Rather! Award winning journalist! Unbiased and
hard working!
"If I say I am an alien from the planet Zorgma you must believe it! Can you prove I'm not? Can you prove aliens from Zogma did not travel back in time and leave a typewriter capable of typing the memos? No! You cannot prove that didn't happen. Therefore the possiblity remains. I'm Dan Rather!
"These lies they are saying spread faster than an armadillo rolling down a hill. These people are all more
biased against me than a hurricane is against stilt houses. I was in the
Marines goddammit! It is making me as mad as a rained-on rooster in South Asia!
"Bush lied, don't you get it? That is our job to prove
Bush is evil! If I say he lied you have to believe it, if I have to lie in order to convince you he lied it doesn't matter, because I
know he lied, and that is more important than whether I can prove it or not. I am Dan Rather! The ends justifies the means if the ends are good! Not if the ends are evil, like all Republican ends. I'm Dan Rather! The king of all media, not that other guy. The cock of the walk! The arbiter of truth! How dare you question me? I decide what is true! Not people
who were there! Me! I'm Dan Rather!
"Hoobah gloobah aardvarks! Whoo hoo hoo hoo hoo hoo! Courage loopa Marsha! Marsha! Marsha!"
Idiot Throws Out Original Star Wars Laserdiscs
Bobby Borsheim, computer programmer and Star Wars fan, threw out his Star Wars trilogy laserdiscs this summer. "I was moving, and was in a throwing out fit. You know how when you move you don't want to get too nostalgic or you'll never throw out anything. So there I was, tossing books and old VHS tapes in the garbage, when I came across my Star Wars laserdiscs.
"At first I was going to keep them, right? But then I thought about how I never watch them. And I remembered that the Trilogy was coming out on DVD (finally!) So I decided to just throw them out, along with my laserdisc player. What were the odds I'd need them? Never tell me the odds. I did it real fast before I could change my mind, which is how you have to do it when you're cleaning out your place. Remember, 'de-junk, don't re-junk.'
"Then, lo and behold, I get the Star Wars trilogy for Christmas on DVD, and you know what? That moron Lucas changed everything! I did not realize when I threw out the laserdiscs that the DVD version was going to be the new changed version, not only that, but it was changed even more. At first some of the changes weren't that bad, and I thought, 'impressive, most impressive.' There were commentaries, and all these special features. It is amazing how much they cram in those little discs, but judge them by their size I did not.
"But then things got worse. The sound was off in some parts of the movies.
"It's bad enough to add all those silly little robots to Episode IV: A New Hope. But then he changed Boba Fett's voice to Jango's in the Empire Strikes Back! Why'd he go and do that? And he changed Emperor Palpatine's holo-image, and in the Return of the Jedi he changed Anakin's spirit at the end.
"And the worst was that he took out the Ewok song. George Lucas was wise to hide those changes from me.
"I was surfing the web looking to maybe pick up the laserdiscs again, eBay was my only hope. I saw my laserdisc set was selling for $170. I realized I could have at least sold them.
"Once I saw that, I knew my failure was complete. We Star Wars fans seem to be made to suffer, it's our lot in life."
George Soros' New Year's Resolution
"Over the past year, I took time out of my schedule to work at making sure George Bush doesn't get re-elected," George Soros, billionaire philanthropist, told us in an interview last week. "He and his lies had to be stopped. That is why I funded MoveOn.org, as well as wrote articles against Bush's re-election in my personal blog, georgesoros.com.
"Bush has demonstrated contempt for developing nations and the rest of the world, which is why we needed to stop him. Unfortunately we did not. Now that the election is over, it is time for me to go back to doing what I do best:
"Destroying third world nations.
"Through currency speculation, and leveraging hundreds of billions of dollars, I found I could affect entire economies for the benefit of my philanthropical organization, which would then move in and help the country that was devastated by my hedge fund. For instance, I completely
destroyed the economy of Russia just by publishing a paper on how the currency is worth much less than it was traded for. That is how powerful I am.
"But by far my greatest accomplishment is the Asian financial meltdown of the mid 90's. Through my betting against currencies, I managed to affect the lives of over a billion people. Most people don't even know it was me.
"That is why I published The Crisis of Global Capitalism, about the dangers of free trade and capitalism. It is dangerous for little people to control money. Obviously we can't have average people investing, starting businesses, and speculating on currency; if they don't have an eye towards the greater good they might do irreperable harm.
"Luckily I've already made all my money, for my philanthropy of course, before instituting my reforms to elminate capitalism.
"Unlike Bush, I have never gotten anyone killed. Is it my fault the Russians turned to the mob, and warlords run the countries whose economies I inadvertently destroyed? No of course not.
"Bush is truly evil. I can't understand how this
Nazi got re-elected, especially with all of the rich and famous people like me arguing against him.
"But alas, it is time for me to go back to work. I have spent the past few years trying to figure out how to top my destruction of Asian markets. Now that they have become strong again, I think I see my opportunity, and I don't have much time to put my plan into action. Soon all the developing world's economies will crumble before my might. After all, you have to crack a few eggs to build a better society."
Bush to Marines: Stop Taking Names
President Bush made a special address to the armed forces this week. "I know in the past I have exhorted you to kick ass and take names. You have all done a remarkable job. Your ass kicking is really exemplarany, and your name taking has helped us investigate, track down, and destroy terrorist cells.
"However, I now have a new exhortation to exhort. Stop taking names. Those names those middle easterners have are just too hard. What with the Mohammeds, the Ali Babas and the Jar Jar Binkses - I am just having too hard a time with them. And frankly, it's making me look bad in front of the Democrats. They're saying 'Bush kicks ass and take names - Then he mispronounce the names.'
"I don't understand some of these names. When I first read of the '
moolahs' running Iran, I thought 'money runs Iran? Well duh, money runs the world.' Only later I was told the moolahs are people. Heh heh, You can imagine how embarrassing that was.
"You can still kick their asses, just don't take their names. Or if you do, don't put their names in the report.
"The boys are really going to be disappointed," said Marine Corp Major General Butch Thunderbolt, "They are really fond of the Taking of the Names. Of course, we'll still have the Kicking of the Asses, and that is where the real fun lies."
"One of the first things we will do when the new Iraqi government is stable," the President said, "is change all their last names to nice American names like Washington and Jefferson."
Red Cross: Green Day is Torture
The Red Cross and ACLU teamed up last week to declare that forcing people to listen to music was torture.
"We really are against forcing people to
listen to rock and roll music," said Larry Wimperson, VP of Human Rights Monitoring at the Red Cross. "Rock music is simply another form of American hegemony. To force someone to listen to it, as our forces are forcing them to listen to it at Guantanimo Bay, is a form of torture, and a real mean one at that.
"Why should Muslims and other non white people have to listen to American music? That is so typically American, always thinking our culture, our 'democracy,' our 'rule of law,' is the best. And then we force our prisoners to even listen to our music."
"The sinister part is that Bush approved this," said Sally Weezel of the ACLU, "This is a particularly
inhuman form of torture, not only were Muslims forced to listen to America-centric music, but they were kept up late and not allowed to sleep, we assume at some sort of rock and roll coke party.
"At first we sued to spare the Muslim fighters from this. But then we realized the problem ran deeper. Therefore, we have expanded our lawsuit against the US government, and are now suing to have rock music made illegal all over the world."
"Whatever happened to easy listening?" Wimperson said. "Elton John, Chicago, those were the great bands we need to go back to. Bands such as Green Day really have to be stopped. Green Day was
afraid to burn the American flag because they thought they'd get in trouble. They didn't know it's not illegal. If you ask me, everyone should burn the flag, the US is the stingiest,
most selfish country in the world."
Johnny Ramone once said "Green Day? Why are they green? What are they jealous of? Do they wish they were as hardcore as they pretend to be? Or do they just wish they were men?"
"I really wish you wouldn't quote the Ramones," Weezel told us, "they may have been truer punks than Green Day, but they were also closet
Republicans. They thought it was funny, to be so non-conformist that they didn't conform to the
non-conformists. But really, it just got them put on our Banned in the USA list.
"These pop boy bands that are pretending to be punks, like Green Day, 311, Alien Ant Farm, Limp Bizkit, all just need to shut up and go back to work at Taco Bell. First of all, everyone knows you're a bunch of pussies that are all talk and no action. Poou widdle Gween Day, wah woo afwaid woo'd get in twouble? To subject more Americans to your brand of sonic torture would be against the Geneva Convention.
"That's what I'd like to say to them. And I would say it even if
Fred Durst was here, since he wouldn't fight me. I mean, when you are
too afraid to take on a guy that will turn the other cheek every time you hit him, you know you are a pussy.
"A society is judged by how it treats it's minorities. That is why freedom from being offended
must trump freedom of speech. Besides, technically the Constitution says 'freedom of the press', not freedom of 'speech,' not freedom for little punk-ass bitches that think they are 'alternative' musicians. And by 'punks,' we don't mean the cool kind. And by 'press,' the Constitution means CNN, ABC, CBS, and NBC. It does not mean FOX, nor the average American, nor your pathetic little blog.
"FOX does not count as being part of the press since they are biased, unlike the so-called 'liberal' media. The only reason anyone would accuse someone of bias is if they are
biased themselves. That is why we are assisting MoveOn.org to take FOX's
FCC license away. The networks need to get back hegemony over the news if the people's right to the truth is to be protected. Competition only encourages cheating and
shouldn't be allowed.
"Freedom isn't free, it comes with responsibility. You can't just say what you want.
"Unless it's about how much
Green Day sucks."
