Two Bored Englishman, a Phone, and a Deus Ex Machina
CAST
GUY 1: Englishman
GUY 2: Englishman
(sitting on couches in living room)
GUY 1
This is boring
guy 2
Yep, this is boring
guy 1
This is almost as boring as that Young Ones sketch
GuY 2
Yep, this is really boring
GUY 1
I think it’s time to pontificate upon the price of oil
GUY 2
Yes, let us preach to each other
guy 1
Oil is too high. It’s all Venezuala’s fault
GUY 2
Or more specifically, Chavez the leader of Venezuala.
GUY 1
Yes, that guy
GUY 2
Yes
GUY 1
He is a ruthless dictator oppressing his people
GUY 2
Yes, he is
GUY 1
Don’t you have a voice of your own?
GUY 2
Aren’t we running out of time?
GUY 1
Yes, I think we are
guy 2
Yes, quite
guy 1
Well now what?
guy 2
Well let’s read the mail
(phone rings)
guy 1
Hold on then, I’ve got a call
(picks up phone)
Hello? Yes? Yes?
(hands phone to GUY 2)
Here, it’s for you
GUY 2
Hello? Hello? Uh huh. Uh huh.
(listens to phone for a few minutes)
All right then. Sorry, wrong number.
guy 1
Who was it, then?
Guy 2
Don’t know, didn’t ask, wrong number you know.
GUY 1
I thought it was probably a wrong number
guy 2
Yes, you thought correctly.
guy 1
Well now, what’s that?
(large chariot comes out of sky)
guy 2
It looks like some sort of mechanized chariot
guy 1
Just in time to save this sketch, in my opinion
guy 2
Yes, quite.
guy 1
Where do you suppose it goes?
guy 2
Don’t know. Shall we?
guy 1
After you
guy 2
No, after you
guy 1
Age before Beauty
guy 2
Brains before Braun
guy 1
Well thank you, I have been working out
guy 2
So I noticed
guy 1
Well, on to this chariot, then
(they get on)
guy 2
How do we get started?
guy 1
I think we press this button here
guy 2
Well, only one way to find out, isn’t there?
guy 1
Yes, I’m pressing the button ... now
(GUY 1 presses button. Chariot flys away.)
(exeunt)
Pacifists For Tyranny Deface Medal Of Honor Monument
Peace activists
defaced the
Medal of Honor Memorial in Indianapolis last week, taking credit for the action was Bob Ostrich, president of Pacifists For Tyranny. Bob explained his reasoning to us:
"War is bad. I'd rather not be free to say these things, than to have to actually
fight for my freedom. Someone might get hurt! After all if you don't fight evil, it won't bother fighting back. Obviously no one will get killed if we refuse to fight!
"Look at the millions dying now in Zimbabwe, or people in Venezuela now. None of them have to die. If we stopped encouraging people to fight tyranny then they wouldn't die! Is freedom really worth more than your life? Quality of life is not important, unless you're retarded or ill, then you are better off dead. But dying for freedom?
"That is why we had to deface the memorial. Because all those men were wrong and evildoers. They could have resisted, gone to Canada, but they did not. Which makes them just as guilty as our Right wing leaders. When will our nation realize how bad and selfish we are and start listening to the rest of the world?
"Give us liberty or give us tyranny!"
