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Thursday, April 14, 2005

Tax: What Is It Good For?

Absolutely a lot!

It's time for an educational piece here at Eyes On The Ball. Since it's tax season, what better subject than to help inform our readers where their taxes go and what benefit they get out of it.

First of all, did you know that 70% of your tax dollars goes to lawyers? That's right! First there is government waste, that sucks up 50% of all tax dollars in administration overhead. Much of that administration, such as congress, their aides, etc, is performed by lawyers. Alternatively, you can think of 50% of your dollars being spent on Bob's new office chair.

Then there is Medicare, which is 30% of our GNP. About 20% of Medicare goes to pay doctors, hospitals, etc. The rest all goes to pay lawyers and accountants who work in managed insurance companies. Just think how great it will be when we have universal health care and our government is one giant HMO!

That is most of the money you pay in taxes. What are the benefits of these taxes?

Taxes discourage people from becoming "entrepreneurs," which is a fancy way of saying "people who think they're better than you." These people, like the rest of us, have been born into a certain station in life. But no, that's not good enough for them. They want to be "rich" - the selfish bastards. But taxes make it harder for them to snub the rest of us.

Taxes have an increased benefit of getting rid of smarty pants people who are always acting better than you. Consider France, where taxes are even higher. France recently reported that their cancer researchers are all moving to America, because of the lower cost of research and lower taxes. Reportedly all over Europe medical researchers move to America and have been doing it a long time. This makes the Europeans very happy, since those researchers were always going around telling people what to do, bringing up "statistics" in their conversations, and generally making everyone else feel small.

Taxes also keep the dirty rich from buying yachts, since that's all they'll do with the money anyway. And when all the little businesses that depend on boat sales, just like car sales, go out of business, they'll have Medicare, which means more money for lawyers! Hooray!

Taxes make the rich richer and the poor poorer. How do they do this, you ask? Just consider the death tax. If some poor schmoe inheriteds a business, the owner has already paid taxes on those earnings. But when Joe Schmoe gets it, it's taxed again. But because taxes on say, a $2 million business (which might generate a $80,000 salary for the owner, plus employ a dozen people) are in the hundreds of thousands of dollars, Joe must sell the business. Who will you sell it to? Someone with less money? No, someone with more money than him of course! So you, who are already rich, can buy the business and you get all that new income, while Joe loses the income and has to pay taxes with the money you paid him. Hooray! You who were rich, are now richer because of taxes!

Finally, just think about all the accountants and lawyers who make a living because of taxes and regulations. Without them, all those poor people would be out of work.

So when you pay your taxes tommorrow, remember - those taxes are buying a new Mustang for some lawyer's kid, and also keeping those smug people who want to be rich from getting ahead of you.