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Friday, April 01, 2005

Terri Schiavo Wanted Us to Have A Million Dollars

Dear Mr. Michael Schiavo,

We are sorry to hear of your wife's recent demise. This may seem like a bad time, but we suddenly remembered she once wrote to us and told us that if she ever passed away, and you had a million dollars awarded to you, she wanted us to have it.

Our senior editor Pluto's Dad remembers the conversation very well. It was over drinks at the Mahi-Tiki restaurant in Orlando, Florida. You were out of town that weekend, and she wanted to meet our editor to discuss life and death issues, since those were her favorite topic and talked about them all the time.

She seemed very upset that you might end up with too much money, she believed money was corrupting and would be bad for you. She wanted you to be comfortable, but not too comfortable, you know what we mean?

We are sorry we didn't remember this until now, but it just suddenly came to us. I guess with all the hubbub we just plumb forgot! I'm sure you understand. You yourself forgot your wife wanted to die for several years, then suddenly remembered once you received the judgement for 1.6 million. Just like you suddenly remembered she wanted to be cremated after her parents asked for an autopsy.

Yeah, Terri really loved discussing all the things that should happen after she died, didn't she? We cannot believe we forgot it all, but now that you bring these things up, we remember that you could not shut her up about death. Like that one time you two and Pluto's Dad were walking down the street, and she saw an old man with a cold and said "he's going to die of pneumonia". Then later that same day we passed by that old woman with a walker, and she said "if I ever need a walker, just put me down, I don't want to live like that."

Yeah, those were the days.

So... When can we expect our check?