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Tuesday, January 18, 2005

Religious Groups Flood Indonesia

With the humanitarian disaster in south Asia, many NGOs, have traveled to Indonesia to help, including religious groups interested in helping the soul as well as the body.

Of the Muslim groups, one such group is Laskar Mujahidin. Their refugee camp has signs posted with "Islamic Law Enforcement" written on them. "We spent a lot of time killing Christians the past decade," Muhammed Al-Ackbar, spokesman for the group told us, "but we realized we were getting a lot of bad press internationally for this. Then when this tidal wave hit, it was like a gift from Allah. We could simply take over the areas where they live and make them dependent on us.

"For instance, see that woman in the burkha over there? She used to be a doctor. She even tried to help some of the people injured in the wave. It makes me sick. Now she is my housewife and stays inside. She is happier now than she ever was, and during those times I allow her to speak, she doesn't complain at all. Just think, if the tsunami didn't hit, she would be living an unhappy life defying the will of Allah."

"I now know I was defying the will of Allah, the merciful," said Looklee, a fisherman, "but Laskar Mujahidin helped me, after cutting off my hands, to realize how merciful and peaceful Allah is, and how I will be forgiven. My sin? Oh yes, I watched the devil's instrument, the satellite television. Back before the wave when we had television. Thank Allah the blessed and merciful that my home, along with the infernal satellite dish, has been destroyed. And even better, with no hands anymore I cannot work, so will be dependent on Allah to provide, thus reminding me of his benevolence every day.

"Can you get me the hell out of here?"

One of the Christian groups is WorldHelp, which is building an orphanage for hundreds of children who lost their parents, where they will also receive a Christian education. "This tsunami is a gift from God," said Jeremy Blaind, coordinator of their Indonesian division. "This is a perfect opportunity for us to swoop in and start converting people. All we need to do is tell them God is punishing them for worshipping their false prophet, and he will send another wave if they don't convert. These children would have grown up Muslim, but thank God their parents' died.

"Hey Jundi," he said to one of the children, "do you call these shoes shined?"

"I like the new people," Jundi later told us, "they tell us Jesus died because of the Jews, who also persecute Muslims. And that Jesus wants us to work hard making clothes like the Apostle Paul made tents. I even get a bowl of rice a day, which was more than I had to eat before. At least they let me read here, which is better than the Laskhar Mujahideen camp. My friend JooJoo lives there - they banned reading."

Fundamentalist Mormons are also pouring into Indonesia to help.

"With this tsunami, so many parents have died that there are many young girls that need help," said John Hathaway of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints (FLDS). "When I think of all those young, starving, supple women, I cannot help but cry. We asked ourselves, who would love them and take care of them? And love them? ...

"... Excuse me, sorry I zoned out for a minute there. What were we talking about?

"Oh yes the tsunami. Since we are being run of out El Dorado, and there are so many orphaned young women in need, this seemed like a perfect place for us to live. In the US we are persecuted, but here, no one bats an eyelash if I want to marry a few 12 year old girls. And since my youngest wife is already 16, I really need to find a younger one. Sixteen my God I feel like I'm married to my grandma.

"God has truly blessed us by killing these children's parents.

"Also, groups like Laskar Mujahidin were very happy to learn of our stockpile of weapons and 50 caliber machine guns and special kool-aid. They also are persecuted by the government for their religious beliefs and called 'terrorists.' But together we can build a better Indonesia, where we finally have the weapons we need to defend our way of life, and where no girl over 12 goes unmarried."