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Wednesday, January 05, 2005

Idiot Throws Out Original Star Wars Laserdiscs

Bobby Borsheim, computer programmer and Star Wars fan, threw out his Star Wars trilogy laserdiscs this summer. "I was moving, and was in a throwing out fit. You know how when you move you don't want to get too nostalgic or you'll never throw out anything. So there I was, tossing books and old VHS tapes in the garbage, when I came across my Star Wars laserdiscs.

"At first I was going to keep them, right? But then I thought about how I never watch them. And I remembered that the Trilogy was coming out on DVD (finally!) So I decided to just throw them out, along with my laserdisc player. What were the odds I'd need them? Never tell me the odds. I did it real fast before I could change my mind, which is how you have to do it when you're cleaning out your place. Remember, 'de-junk, don't re-junk.'

"Then, lo and behold, I get the Star Wars trilogy for Christmas on DVD, and you know what? That moron Lucas changed everything! I did not realize when I threw out the laserdiscs that the DVD version was going to be the new changed version, not only that, but it was changed even more. At first some of the changes weren't that bad, and I thought, 'impressive, most impressive.' There were commentaries, and all these special features. It is amazing how much they cram in those little discs, but judge them by their size I did not.

"But then things got worse. The sound was off in some parts of the movies.

"It's bad enough to add all those silly little robots to Episode IV: A New Hope. But then he changed Boba Fett's voice to Jango's in the Empire Strikes Back! Why'd he go and do that? And he changed Emperor Palpatine's holo-image, and in the Return of the Jedi he changed Anakin's spirit at the end.

"And the worst was that he took out the Ewok song. George Lucas was wise to hide those changes from me.

"I was surfing the web looking to maybe pick up the laserdiscs again, eBay was my only hope. I saw my laserdisc set was selling for $170. I realized I could have at least sold them.

"Once I saw that, I knew my failure was complete. We Star Wars fans seem to be made to suffer, it's our lot in life."