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Thursday, February 24, 2005

Who the hell do bloggers think they are?

Recently at IMAO a questionnaire was posted regarding bloggers. As part of the vast left wing conspiracy to destroy Karl Rove's secret government that is running the world, our senior editor Pluto's Dad has answered the questions to the best of our ability. Below are our answers. Other's answers can be found at IMAO.

1. Who the hell do you think you are?
No one, I'm sorry I said anything, can I go now?

2. So, other than blogging, what's your job? Do you work at some fast food joint, dumbass?
I write computer programs and am surrounded by Indians (the kind from India, who are all Hindu). I enjoy spicy Indian food while working with Indians. They tell me all Pakistanis and Muslims are crazy. They are not white so they must know what they are talking about.

3. Do you have like any experience in journalism, idiot?
My blog is called “Eyes On The Ball News,” meaning it is a news blog, so I guess that makes me a journalist. Hey, does that mean I can stop putting sources in my articles now?

4. Do you even read newspapers?
What is this "paper"?

5. Do you watch any other news than FOX News propaganda, you ignorant fool?
I enjoy the Money Honey Maria Bartiromo, and CNN's Robin Meade, who was stolen from us from NBC Chicago 2 years ago. Now we only have that slut Michelle Leigh from Fox weather. I enjoy more distinguished women journalists like Maria and Robin. But I only enjoy them a few minutes at a time then I am finished.

6. I bet you're some moron talk radio listener too, huh?
What is this "radio"? Is it like "XM" or "IM"?

7. So, do you get a fax from the GOP each day for what to say, you @#$% Republican parrot?
What is this "fax"? Why are you bandying about these old tech terms? I have no idea what you're talking about.
All my correspondence and typing is done on my Treo650. So... please rephrase your questions to be about that.

8. Why do you and your blogger friends want to silence and fire everyone who disagrees with you, fascist?
I am non confrontational. I do not like confrontation. I have found the best way to not have confrontation is to silence any that disagree with me. Usually this involves double taps to the back of the head (you don’t expect me to stand in front, do you?) Silencers also help me get away quickly.

Oh wait, “fire”, I thought you said “fire at."

Well, I never really lit anyone on fire before. It sounds messy.

9. Are you completely ignorant of other countries, or do you actually own a passport?
No passport. I see other countries on TV, like England, Australia, Ireland, and New Zealand. You mean those?

10. Have you even been to another country, you dumb hick?
I went to Little America (Canada) once when I was a kid visiting my relatives who live in the U.P. They told me Canada was a penal colony for cowards who will not fight, which is why they speak French up there.

I have also been to East Texas, that is like another country. They have house-boat people there. And banjos.

11. If you're so keen on the war, why haven't you signed up, chickenhawk?
I am too fat from all the bratwurst and beer that I consume daily. Oh yes and Nutter Butters. I find nutter butters to be a convenient source of calories while trying to enslave the universe as leader of the Sith, or failing that, setting my sites lower and merely trying to take over Vice City.

Plus, I prefer to send the poor and black people to do my fighting for me.

12. Do you have any idea of the horrors of war? Have you ever reached into a pile of goo that was your best friend's face?
Yes my girlfriend likes to ... oh face? I thought you said "feces".

13. Have you ever reached into any pile of goo?
See last question.

14. Once again, who the hell do you think you are?!
Pluto's Dad, daddy to Pluto (Esp. on Valentines day) Here are some pictures of Pluto.