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Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Those Who Like Sausage ...

Open: Back of butcher shop. Tony grinding up a person, Vinny behind him.

Vinny: Tony, you stupid patzi. I can't believe you whacked a made guy!

Tony: It wasn't my fault, Vinny! I said I was sorry

Bell rings

Vinny: Who is dat? Tony, did you not lock the front door like I asked yous to?

Tony: I thought you were gonna do it.

Vinny: Tony, you stupid screwup. Hold on while I take care of the customer.

Goes to front. Grinder gets louder, stuck on bones, etc. making Vinny nervous.

Vinny: Hey, the butcher, he's gone. We're closed.

Customer #1: Can I just have some pastrami? It's right there.

Vinny: Fine.

Vinny slices weighs and packages pastrami and gives it to customer while they continue talking.

Customer #1: (looking at bin in back of counter) Wow, that's a lot of sausage.

Vinny: Yeah, uh ... a special customer called, he uh ... he really likes sausage. Know what I'm saying? He's German, yeah. Now get outta here.

Customer #1: What do I owe you?

Vinny: It's free, now scram!

Customer #1: Thanks. (to self) he doesn't have to be so rude.

exit customer. Vinny goes to back room

Vinny: How's it comin

Bell rings

Vinny: Hold on I gotta take care of dis customer

goes to front, british guy there

Customer #2: Where have you been, my good man? I've been waiting for yonks. I'll take some of those wee sausages. Your sausages are really the dog's bollocks, did you know. What a minute - what is that?

Vinny: What is what?

Customer #2 walks around to back of counter to look in back room, while Vinny first tries to block him, then gives up and positions himself behind customer.

Customer #2: I think I see a person back there. Yes, yes he's grinding up a person! Quickly! Call the bobbies!

Vinny takes sap out of back pocket and whacks customer on head. customer falls. Vinny drags customer to back room.

Vinny: I gotta another one ta get rid of for ya.

Tony: Aw Vinny, come on!

Vinny give him the look of death

Tony: ok

Bell rings

Vinny: What the hell? Hold on.

Walks to front

Vinny: Can I help yous?

Customer #3: Yes, I was eating breakfast and found this belt buckle in my sausage, see?

Vinny walks around to front of counter

Vinny: Let me see that... oh crap, we mixed up the sausages!

Customer #3: wha?-

Vinny whacks him over back of head, drags him to back room

Vinny: Tony, you idiot, you're not taking the clothes off first

Tony: So what?

Vinny: So what? So you're dulling the blades, that's so what! Now take off their clothes!

Tony: Hey, you can't boss me. I'm smart! I can do things I -

Vinny give him the look of death

Tony: ok

Tony starts taking off clothes of dead bodies. Bell rings. Vinny goes to front. There are 3 people, and more piling in.

Customer #4: I heard you're giving away free meat today?

People in crowd yell various things , like:
Crowd: Yeah!

Crowd: Free sausage!

Vinny: Hold on, there's no free meat. That was for dat one customer only. Now get the hells outta here.

Crowd: You can't do that!

Someone in crowd: Look behind the counter! There's a whole tub of sausage!

Crowd: Let's take it!

Crowd: Yeah!

crowd overwhelms vinny, takes sausage out, runs out of shop, yelling "Free sausage for everyone!" etc

Vinny goes to back room

Vinny: Um, I tink we should go now.

Tony: But I'm not done

Vinny: No, now would be a good time.

exit all