Those Who Like Sausage ...
Open: Back of butcher shop. Tony grinding up a person, Vinny behind him.Vinny: Tony, you stupid patzi. I can't believe you whacked a made guy!
Tony: It wasn't my fault, Vinny! I said I was sorry
Bell rings
Vinny: Who is dat? Tony, did you not lock the front door like I asked yous to?
Tony: I thought you were gonna do it.
Vinny: Tony, you stupid screwup. Hold on while I take care of the customer.
Goes to front. Grinder gets louder, stuck on bones, etc. making Vinny nervous.
Vinny: Hey, the butcher, he's gone. We're closed.
Customer #1: Can I just have some pastrami? It's right there.
Vinny: Fine.
Vinny slices weighs and packages pastrami and gives it to customer while they continue talking.
Customer #1: (looking at bin in back of counter) Wow, that's a lot of sausage.
Vinny: Yeah, uh ... a special customer called, he uh ... he really likes sausage. Know what I'm saying? He's German, yeah. Now get outta here.
Customer #1: What do I owe you?
Vinny: It's free, now scram!
Customer #1: Thanks. (to self) he doesn't have to be so rude.
exit customer. Vinny goes to back room
Vinny: How's it comin
Bell rings
Vinny: Hold on I gotta take care of dis customer
goes to front, british guy there
Customer #2: Where have you been, my good man? I've been waiting for yonks. I'll take some of those wee sausages. Your sausages are really the dog's bollocks, did you know. What a minute - what is that?
Vinny: What is what?
Customer #2 walks around to back of counter to look in back room, while Vinny first tries to block him, then gives up and positions himself behind customer.
Customer #2: I think I see a person back there. Yes, yes he's grinding up a person! Quickly! Call the bobbies!
Vinny takes sap out of back pocket and whacks customer on head. customer falls. Vinny drags customer to back room.
Vinny: I gotta another one ta get rid of for ya.
Tony: Aw Vinny, come on!
Vinny give him the look of death
Tony: ok
Bell rings
Vinny: What the hell? Hold on.
Walks to front
Vinny: Can I help yous?
Customer #3: Yes, I was eating breakfast and found this belt buckle in my sausage, see?
Vinny walks around to front of counter
Vinny: Let me see that... oh crap, we mixed up the sausages!
Customer #3: wha?-
Vinny whacks him over back of head, drags him to back room
Vinny: Tony, you idiot, you're not taking the clothes off first
Tony: So what?
Vinny: So what? So you're dulling the blades, that's so what! Now take off their clothes!
Tony: Hey, you can't boss me. I'm smart! I can do things I -
Vinny give him the look of death
Tony: ok
Tony starts taking off clothes of dead bodies. Bell rings. Vinny goes to front. There are 3 people, and more piling in.
Customer #4: I heard you're giving away free meat today?
People in crowd yell various things , like:
Crowd: Yeah!
Crowd: Free sausage!
Vinny: Hold on, there's no free meat. That was for dat one customer only. Now get the hells outta here.
Crowd: You can't do that!
Someone in crowd: Look behind the counter! There's a whole tub of sausage!
Crowd: Let's take it!
Crowd: Yeah!
crowd overwhelms vinny, takes sausage out, runs out of shop, yelling "Free sausage for everyone!" etc
Vinny goes to back room
Vinny: Um, I tink we should go now.
Tony: But I'm not done
Vinny: No, now would be a good time.
exit all
posted by Pluto's Dad @ 3/16/2005 08:05:00 AM
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