Extremist Sports
KYLE skater punk leader of group
BUBBA: KKK
SAIEED: Muslim fanatic
CLETUS: militia gun nut
MOONWAVE: feminazi/eco-terrorist
(groups enters skating)
KYLE
woo hoo! That was one radical halfpipe they have set up, huh guys?
Group
Yeah! Awesome! Etc
KYLE
Ok now, you guys paid for 3 days of extreme sports, so we have 2 days left. Now what do you want to do next?
MOONWAVE
Let's snowboard!
CLETUS
I wanna do some cliff climbing!
BUBBA
Lets' go beat up some Muslims!
(group is dead silent)
SAIEED
I am a Muslim, and I am very offended. We are not all bombers you know.
BUBBA
Well ok, ... let's go beat up some Jews then!
SAIEED
Ok that's cool
KYLE
What? No! No we are not beating anyone up! Now I like E's idea of snowboarding, who's up for that?
MOONWAVE
I don't feel like snowboarding anymore
CLETUS
Neither do I
KYLE
Oh great. Now see what you did? Come on guys; don't let this guy ruin it for you. You paid for 3 days, now let's do something extreme!
SAIEED
To tell the truth I don't feel like it either.
BUBBA
I still say we beat up some Jews
KYLE
Shut up! This is extreme sports! Not extremist sports!
BUBBA
What?
KYLE
I said -
BUBBA
I heard you. This sounds like false advertising
KYLE
Oh come on, who ever heard of extremist sports?
BUBBA
So we're not going to beat up gays?
MOONWAVE
(angry to B)
Hey! What’s wrong with gays?
CLETUS
Yeah, what's wrong with - oh uh, nevermind.
KYLE
No, we're not beating up gays
BUBBA
Or N**ggers?
KYLE
(looks around nervously)
No! Shut up! You wanna get us beat up? You can't say that word!
BUBBA
So, no Jews? Kites?
KYLE
No!
BUBBA
What about wetbacks? Whops? Greaseballs? Illegal immigrants of all colors?
KYLE
No! No! NO! We're here to skate, all right? Now leave or shut up!
BUBBA
That’s it! I'm out a here! This is NOT what I signed up for.
(exit B)
KYLE
"You're not getting a refund!"
(to group)
Ok finally he's gone, now we rock and roll! Now, who's up for some snowboarding?
SAIEED
So... we're not going to kill Jews?
KYLE
What? No!
CLETUS
Wait, I thought we were gonna bomb the FBI or the government? or somethin?
KYLE
What? No! Didn't I just go through this? No bombs, no killing Jews or whiteys or blacks. None of that. This is extreme SPORTS, not sports for extreme people.
MOONWAVE
(incredulous)
Well, you could have been a little more clear.
CLETUS
Yeah, you could have just said "snowboarding" or "cliff diving" or something, instead of "extreme". How are we supposed to know what "extreme" means?
MOONWAVE
Yeah it means different things to different people.
SAIEED
This sounds like the illegal tactic of bait and switch, the preferred marketing tactic of ... the Jew...
(group : sharp intake of breath, like OMG!)
SAIEED
Are you a Jew?
KYLE
No!
MOONWAVE
Why are you so defensive about it then?
KYLE
I'm not being defensive!
CLETUS
Oh yeah he's being defensive allright. What's wrong? Only got a million dollars in your bank account your daddy gave you?
SAIEED
Gonna go oppress some Palestinians tonight?
KYLE
No! Shut up! Shut up! Shut up! What is wrong with you people?
MOONWAVE
Look how angry he is
CLETUS
Yeah, now who's the extreme one?
KYLE
Ok fine! We’ll have a skate off. If I can out skate the 3 of you, then you shut up about beating up Jews, and we go snowboarding. If any of you guys beat me, then we'll go beat up Jews, all right?
group:
(in Ebonics)
"aiight"
(skate off, should last about 45 seconds. do silly things, some people fall eventually it's down to A and D, D cuts A off at last second, wins)
group
Yeah! We won!
KYLE
Oh my god. Ok.. Fine. Where are some Jews we can beat up?
SAIEED
Well if you ask me, we're looking at one
(others nod)
KYLE
Wha? - -- uH ok lets -
(runs. exit KYLE. Group laughs as he runs.)
MOONWAVE
Let's go back to my Cabin. I got the new Snoop Dog CD.
OTHERS
Aiight
(exeunt)
posted by Pluto's Dad @ 3/22/2005 06:11:00 AM
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