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Tuesday, March 08, 2005

Things Not to Do When Approaching a Military Checkpoint

10. Speed up as you approach the checkpoint so you almost lose control

9. Ignore the guards thinking "they can see we're white, it's ok"

8. Pretending not to speak any of the several languages the guards will yell at you

7. Flipping them the bird as you do donuts right in front of the checkpoint

6. Play Palestinian children's music like "I want to die a shahid's death"

5. Instead of "sir", call the guard "baby killer"

4.Talk on your damn cell phone instead of paying attention to the road. What, you think you're so important it can't wait?

3. Answer every question with "about a dollar"

2. Have your pizza delivered to checkpoint, and don't share

1. Drive a Volkswagon bus, or any sort of hybrid vehicle. They are instant targets, just on principle.