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Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Editorial Monologue 1

Matthew Hale, white supremacist leader of the Church of the Creator, is back in the news today when the family of a judge he swore to kill was killed execution style.

He says he was not involved, that because of his time in jail, he has learned to love big black men.

Sometimes guards put him in a room with one where no one can hear, so then they can have private race "relations."

Hale is also reportedly in talks to represent Flamco hemorrhoid pillows.

Georgia has just banned smoking in bingo parlors.

In retaliation the AARP called for a ban on Georgia.

"We're gonna keep smokin our tobacee. It's not our fault you youngins is droppin like flies."

This is going to start a revolution. "First they wanna take away our Social Security, now they wanna ban smokin at bingo? We won't take this lying down! ...

"on our hospital beds ... "

All the old people will be marching on Atlanta ... dragging their oxygen tanks behind them.

Smoking through their tracheotomy holes...

After terrorists killed their former prime minister, Lebanese have taken to the streets protesting.

Spaniards, who voted out their President when they were attacked, are outraged; saying "the terrorists never told us we could protest them."

Spain is also outraged at the ETA Basque seperatists's recent spate of bombings after having been dormant for years.

The new Spanish President said "Just because we gave Al-Quaeda what they wanted, doesn't mean we're going to give every terrorist what they want. Hello!"

Michael Jackson told prosecutors that the children, without his knowledge, accidentally found his wine cellar and opened wine bottles and drank them.

He also said the children accidentally learned how to use wine bottle openers, and also accidentally just happened to pick the perfect wine to pair with hot dogs and ice cream.

Trimbach gewürztraminer from Alsace, Germany.

Rape has skyrocketed the past few years in Malmø, Sweden's 3rd largest city; where police recently said they're afraid to enter half the city because it is run by Muslim criminal gangs.

The rape increase was a concern until it was found out that the majority of women getting raped are ones that refuse to wear burkas to cover their beauty.

This proves rape is about sex, not power.

Muslim leaders condemned the violence, saying "if women covered themselves and did what we told them to, we wouldn't need to rape them"