A Message From Flamco Paint 2
Read this post first if you have not, to see part one of A Message From Flamco Paint.(Phone ringing, Flamco spokesman on phone waiting, customer occupied, answers phone)
CUSTOMER
Hello?
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
Jordan Easter, are you there?
CUSTOMER
Hello? Yeah this is me, who is this?
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
This is Flamco paint. We are conducting a customer satisfaction survey. We are just wondering how you are enjoying that insurance money.
CUSTOMER
Umm ... Sure, it's great.
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
We just wanted to be sure no one suspects it was arson, that would be a shame if they did.
CUSTOMER
Yeah, no- it worked great. They didn't suspect anything. Your paint passed all the arson investigators' tests.
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
That's great. Now that we helped you, it's time for you to help us.
CUSTOMER
Um, Listen I gotta go-
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
Not so fast, Jordan. Like I said, it would be a shame if the authorities found out what you did.
CUSTOMER
(thinks a moment)
Are you blackmailing me?
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
You got that right.
CUSTOMER
But why?
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
This may come as a shocker, but paint is a low margin business. We have to make money any way we can. That's why we started producing flammable paint. We found we could double our income thanks to people like you.
CUSTOMER
So you do this to all your customers?
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
You got that right.
CUSTOMER
What if I fight? You can't go to the authorities, because then you'd get in trouble too.
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
Ok you got us on that one. But I only have one last question to ask:
CUSTOMER
Sure, but I really gotta -
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
Do you know where Jimmy Hoffa is buried?
CUSTOMER
(thinks a moment)
No.
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
Ok here's another question. Are you sure you don't want to help us, after everything we've done for you?
CUSTOMER
But-
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
Hoffa!
CUSTOMER
Why-
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
Hoffa!
CUSTOMER
Fine! How much do you want?
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
Only twenty percent.
CUSTOMER
Twenty Percent!? That's robbery!
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
Hoffa!
CUSTOMER
Ok! ok! How do you want it.
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
In cash. We'll send someone over tomorrow. Oh and don't get any funny ideas. While you were asleep we secretly painted your house the same shade of color with Flamco! Ultra Flammable brand paint. I'd hate to lose a Frank Lloyd Wright ranch home, just because the owner got stupid. Think of the children, and how they won't be able to take field trips to your house anymore.
CUSTOMER
Allright, I'll have it ready.
FLAMCO SPOKESMAN
Great! And remember, if you need to rub someone out, and can't afford to move to the Netherlands where it is legal, think Flamco! For all your flammable paint needs.
CUSTOMER
I'll do that
(hangs up)
(Blackout)
posted by Pluto's Dad @ 2/28/2005 02:32:00 PM
<< Home