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Wednesday, March 09, 2005

From The Editor 3

Spain is hosting a summit on terrorism in Madrid.

The theme of the summit is "When it comes to terrorists and kidnappers, we deal with them"

The mayor of Madrid said "You've come to a wounded city, but it is not a city that has surrendered"

"That won't happen until we give the keys to the city to al-quaida in a formal ceremony next week."

The Italian PM said "every time we pay ransom on one journalist, they kidnap 3 more, what's up with that? Every time they say 'this is the last time'"

"That's just like that bully in 3rd grade who kept taking my lunch money"

France added that they still haven't gotten over the Vikings betraying them in the same way.

One speech was by George Soros, who said "Producing innocent victims creates anger and resentment, ... [which] feeds terrorism"

He added terrorists much prefer the innocent victims of Saddam in Iraq, of Syria in Lebanon, and of France in the Sudan

Florida is considering allowing new forms of gambling

Living on the coast of Florida is not thrilling enough anymore.

"Four hurricanes in one year? nowhere to go but down. Gotta find somethin new!"

The particular form of gambling they want is slot machines

They wanted to pull a lever on something more predictable than florida voting machines.

(Now that they're banning smoking in bingo parlors) Plus they need somewhere else to go smoke.

The BTK killer, Dennis Rader, has been apprehended. Turns out he looks like Everyman, the guy next door.

People are warned to be on the lookout for the following warning signs of your neighbor being a serial killer:

white male, nice, and quiet

Police are reportedly swamped with calls, turns out half of America are serial killers.

If you see anyone like that, women should remember "battered wife syndrome" means you can kill anyone you are afraid of

In related news, a new serial killer of white males has struck all over the country. Police are dumbfounded on how he can kill so many white male neighbors so quickly.

Bill Clinton is having scar tissue removed

Turns out one of Hillary's claws broke off inside him

This week was International Mentally Handicapped Day.

In related news, Dan rather still says the documents have never been proven fake.

In other news, CBS has begun printing their own money. The Secret Service has tried to arrest them, but they can't prove the dollars are counterfeit.

Hizbolla organized protests for Syria, saying the West was interfering in Lebanese politics.

They held up signs saying "Say NO to foreign interference"

Other signs said "Say YES to foreign interference (in small print: from Syria)"

and t-shirts that said "I showed up at this lousy rally, and all I got was Hizbollah will release my children back to me now"