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Thursday, February 24, 2005

Republican Lawmaker Threatens Democrat with Rough Sex

A startling new development occurred today in the case unraveling the web of lies surrounding Guckert/Gannon and his gay prostitution network. One congressman, who appears now to be a client of Guckert, let the ball drop on the House floor this morning.

Rep. Bill Cadman, R-Colorado Springs angry with Rep. Val Vigil, D-Thornton for calling him "a piece of garbage" retorted with "I'll ram my fist up your ass!"

Colleagues in the House were at first floored by Cadman's vulgar threat, until we did some digging and penetrating the dense, dark forest of lies surrounding Cadman. It turns out last week he was reported to have been waddling as though he was saddle sore. He told us he had gone horseback riding in his native Colorado, but we could not reach anyone at his ranch for confirmation when we called on the President's Day holiday.

In Congress, Cadman was well known for being a fence sitter, and was not sure which side he wanted to play on. Slipping and sliding through the mud of deception, we also found out someone in the White House had called Cadman a total of one time in the past month. No one in the administration has come forward to say it was not Karl Rove.

But then the milky white truth doing the body politic good poured over our faces, and the dark chocolate of deception was wiped from our eyes, and we connected the dots: Karl Rove was blackmailing Cadman into voting yes on Bush's Social Security reform. How? Because he set Cadman up with Guckert/Gannon in a bizarre drug induced homosexual tryst, and had pictures of them together.

We have seen some of these pictures, and they are disgusting. Both men can clearly be seen in the same room during press conferences. Other pictures exist of them both in the same room as Karl Rove, though conspicuously never at the same time. What other devious plans does Rove have cooked up?

"We have to uncover these gay porn schemes," said Howard Dean, "because of the hypocrisy. Imagine a Republican enjoying gay sex? Can you imagine it? Come on, try. That's it, yes you've got it. Imagine the hypocrisy, it is a Republican for Chris'sakes! That's like a conservative giving money to help the poor! Their lies must be exposed! Thank God we aren't like that, you won't hear Democrats calling Powell a 'house n****r', or Condi Rice an 'Aunt Jemima', or saying things like 'I hate Republicans and everything they stand for.' We don't hate, we're not like them."

"It almost came down to fisticuffs," said Rep. Jim Costa, D-Fresno, CA. "I've seen fights like this in movies, but never in real life. I am a 'newcommer' to the House, so I am not always privy to these back door deals."

This is the first case uncovered of a Gay prostitution network connecting a lawmaker with Guckert/Gannon. However, when interviewing Cadman, it seemed Rove's plan backfired, and Cadman turned out to enjoy his newfound notoriety a little too much.

Cadman also predicted a Republican landslide victory voting on the bill they were discussing, and said to Vigil "I will give it to you so rough you will bleed. You will choke on Republican truth." His comments were not limited to Vigil, but also included his family, who is involved in local politics back in Colorado, when he said "Yeah, you'll take the cold hard truth rough, just like your mother likes it." Later Cadman appeared to apologize, offering to take him out for coffee and dessert, telling Vigil "don't worry, you will soon be choking down so much fudge you won't know what to do."