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Monday, February 28, 2005

A Message From Our Sponsor: Flamco Paint

FLAMCO SPOKESMAN:

CUSTOMER:

(On stage in separate locations, as one talks the other freezes)

FLAMCO SPOKESMAN

We received the following letter from one of our customers:

CUSTOMER

Dear Flamco. I have a restaurant that is losing money. I have tried every cost saving measure I can think of but nothing works. What can I do? Can you help me? Signed, Jordan Easter.

FLAMCO SPOKESMAN

Hi Jordan, have we got a solution for you. Just repaint your restaurant with New Flamco Ultra Flammable interior paint. Flamco Ultra is four times as flammable as leading brands. And twice as flammable as our previous Five Alarm brand paint. That's ten alarms for the price of one!

CUSTOMER

You mean burn it down for the insurance money? Isn't that dangerous? On TV they always catch you.

FLAMCO SPOKESMAN

Great question Jordan, but don't worry. Unlike traditional accelerants such as gasoline, Flamco Ultra Flammable Paint is just 100% pure paint. So it's not traceable by arson investigators. No one will ever know.

(later)

CUSTOMER

(holding check)

Thanks Flamco! I just got a big check from my insurance company, and now I can start over. I couldn't have done this without you. And even better, I just found out that next week my ailing mother is writing me out of her will, but I'm repainting her house tomorrow! Thanks Flamco!

FLAMCO SPOKESMAN

Flamco paint. Until the US makes murder legal like the Netherlands, think Flamco. For all your flammable paint needs.

(blackout)