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Monday, February 21, 2005

SUV Owner Gets What He Deserves

On the Bay Bridge in San Fansisco, an SUV driver gets his comeuppance when he attempted to throw a cigarette out the window, but it blew back in and his vehicle burst into flames. Reportedly the back seat flamed up as soon as the cigarette hit the back seat.

"Not only did he try to litter," said Elizabeth Fattah of the Green Party USA, "but he was driving ...

"Driving an SUV. Excuse me I have to sit down a moment ... I find these deep breathing excercises help whenever I am so offended I can hardly breathe.

"OK that's better. This guy, can you belive this? Was driving ... an SUV! Of all the nerve! He was only a little burnt. In my opinion he got off easy. This should teach those nature raping bastards to drive SUVs."

Reportedly P. Diddy has been hired as the new spokesman for the Green Party's new "Drive Hybrid or Die" campaign. The Green Party hopes that if more people driving SUVs died, then demand would drop, thus saving the lives of endangered species.

"Humans are a disease, we are the cure," Fattah continued to say, "we need to return the earth to how it was before humans started changing the environment, what with their 'hunting' and 'gathering' and all - thus destroying the local animal and plant life."

In related news, Ted Red of Saleen Dye Co. announced today "we are proud to announce the release of our new Ultra Flammable fabric dye. This is twice as flammable as our previous Super Flammable dye. Great for clothes for retarded children; who, if you lived in the Netherlands, would have been mercifully euthanized. Also makes a great gift! Saleen Dye - for all your flammable dye needs."