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Thursday, February 10, 2005

Liberals for Love Out Gays

First there was Mike Taylor, bidding to be Senator of Montana. Now there is Mark Gannon (not his real name) former Talon reporter. Both of whom are conservatives, and, according to the liberal watchdog group Liberals For Love, committed the ultimate sin:

They are gay.

"These people think they can hide their private lives," said Robert Borsheim, chief media critic of Liberals for Love. "But they are public figures, and as such have no right to privacy. They think they can hide their disgusting habits from the public? The people have a right to know what dirty deeds go on in their bedrooms, and what fantasies lay in their dirty little minds."

Outside Gannon's home, Liberals for Love were protesting holding signs saying "Smear the Queer (Republican)," "God hates (Republican) Fags," "KKKarl = hatemonger," and chanting "We're here. You're queer. Get used to it."

Fred Bartlesby, Gannon's neighbor and a registered Republican, told us "I really don't care about his sexual orientation. What does that have to do with his reporting? I don't see what all the fuss is." We asked him if now that he knew Gannon is gay, if he could ever trust him again, to which he said "I guess so, I don't see why not," in a typical Republican circling-the-wagons maneuver.

When we told Borsheim about Bartlesby's comments, he said "what a closed-minded conservative idiot! Of course it has a lot to do with his reporting. How can you trust a man that hides his private life? Your private life has every bearing on your professional life. It's not like he refused to sign Form 180, or had a mistress. This is big.

"Who knows how he greases the wheels, lubricating his sources to get the juicy details? Bush is a good-looking guy, I am told. Would his reporting change if Bush were older and uglier? We may never know.

"And Taylor - don't even get me started about him. We saved the country starting that whisper campaign that he was gay. I mean, he owned a hair salon for Chrissakes! Can you imagine if a Senator was secretly gay? Why, the KGB might use it to blackmail him! We are so lucky that gayrod never became a Senator.

"We are not anti-gay. Are you kidding? We are Democrats! We are for the truth, that's all. All being secretly gay means is that you are a liar with no credibility. It is not being gay that makes them bad, it's being gay and Republican - No, it's being gay and hiding it - No, it's being gay and ... well I still haven't worked this out fully. But it's bad.

"Anyone who is hiding some portion of his life must bring it out, that is what full disclosure is all about. There is no shame in being gay, we just want everyone to know, that's all. Cheney's daughter is a lesbian, and we're sure she'd agree."