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Saturday, January 15, 2005

This Week In The News

Pablo Paredes, who wanted to leave the Navy to spend more time with his wife and told a JAG "I'm not a conscientious objector", but once his ship, the Bonhomme Richard, got deployment orders suddenly changed his story to seeking conscientious objector status, said about the fact that his ship was diverted to help tsunami victims: "when I said 'refuse to destroy another soul,' I didn't mean I would do the opposite: you know, like, help people?"

During his visit to Baghdad last week, Senator John Kerry plays "the world's smallest violin playing the world's saddest song" when soldiers tell him that, even more than armor, they'd like the media to start reporting the truth about the War in Iraq.

President Bush does "the robot" as he sings "We Are the Champions" at the White House's weekly karaoke party.

NASA and European Space Agency scientists were disappointed to learn that astronauts had apparently already been to Titan, judging by the fine dusting of Tang covering the surface.

Construction finished this week on Planned Parenthood's Playground for Unwanted Children. Below the waterline, the sign reads "You must be less than this height to play."

Kibabu, who became a father at Taronga Zoo in Sydney, made do with carrots when he could not acquire cigars to pass around.

Japanese manufacturer sees new "Supa Tuma" (Super Tumor) Phone as key to the goth and depressed teenager market.

Judge me by my size, do you?