Please Visit the new location for this site!: We will soon be automatically redirecting you.

Saturday, January 15, 2005

CBS's Plan To Regain Credibility

Things CBS is considering to regain credibility (or at least divert attention away from the question of credibility):
  1. Add "Pinnochio Meter" to bottom of screen which always indicates the speaker is telling the truth, except when Republicans are being interviewed
  2. When dealing with witnesses, remember: less foaming at mouth good
  3. Hire P. Diddy as anchor for "believe us or die" campaign, since he has "street cred"
  4. Have scrolling bar at bottom keep repeating: "Why do you care about us when Bush is lying to you?"
  5. Between stories, say Hey, have you seen Number 6 on the new Battlestar Galactica?
  6. Make sure witnesses in future reports were not committed to a psychiatric hospital
  7. When all the experts you hire say the documents are fake, try listening to them
  8. Change signoff to: But remember, nothing can be proven conclusively
  9. Actually interview people who know something about the subject
  10. Replace 60 Minutes Wednesday with Ann Coulter Dance Hour