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Monday, December 06, 2004

Clandestine Neocon Karaoke Cabal Uncovered!

Eyes On The Ball recently uncovered clandestine meetings operating in the basement of the White House. We were investigating rumours of a plan to attack Iran, when we finally managed to corner one of the members of this cabal, and got invited to attend a meeting. What we found was shocking and horrifying, as shocking as seeing your dad dress up like Dr. Frank-N-Furter of Rocky Horror: a Neocon Karaoke Cabal - where high level members of the government congregate to sing their favorite songs together.

"We started these meetings during the 2004 election, to help psyche us up before important press conferences," Scott McClellan, White House Press Secretary told us. "It is a real boost to give an update on the war to a hostile press, when you have just belted out 'White Wedding' to a screaming audience."

"Neocon is their insulting word for us, but we took it and use it ourselves to take away its power," said John Snow, Secretary of the Treasury.

"It is really inspiring to have the President himself sing with us," Alphonso Jackson, Secretary of Housing and Urban Development, said. "When he is silly and croons 'I Love the Nightlife' it proves he is a man of the people, despite the fact he has killed every bill I have lobbied for."

Here is the list of some partipants' favorite songs:
Gale Ann Norton (Sec. of Interior): "Dead Puppies Aren't Much Fun"
Spencer Abraham (Sec. of Energy): "The Beverly Hillbillies Theme"
John Snow (Sec. of Treasury): "Money (That's what I want)"
Margaret Spellings (Sec. of Education): "Another Brick in the Wall pt.2"
M. W. Hagee, (Commandant, USMC): "The Marine's Hymn" (he never sings anything else)
John Ashcroft: "Onward Christian Soldiers"
Alberto Gonzales (new nominee for Attorney General): "Bad Boys (what ya gonna do)"
Mike Taylor (Bid for Montana Senator)): "It's Raining Men"
Condoleezza Rice: "One Way Or Another"
Dick Cheney: "Achey-Breaky Heart"
Colin Powell: "Take this Job and Shove It"
Donald Rumsfeld: "America, Fuck Yeah!"
President Bush: "We are the Champions"