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Wednesday, January 26, 2005

Noble Savages Prove Superiority

Over a hundred thousand people died in the recent South Asian Tsunami, yet all of the Morgan tribe on the Thai island of Ko Surin Thai survived. Their survival has rocked the modern world and its ideas of "preparedness." Anthropologists and sociologists around the world are heralding this tribe's survival, while so many others died, as proof of the superiority of native ways, and are flocking to this corner of the world to study them to learn what truths we can take to apply to our modern lives. If indeed our lives remain modern and we don't find we should just return to our old hunting and gathering ways.

The Morgan tribe lives on the side of a large hill. When the wave hit, they had all already ran to the top of the hill, and thus were saved. But how did they know to go to the top of the hill? That is the question we, and leading anthropologists, sought to answer.

Salaman, the leader of the tribe, told us about the ancient wisdom he used to save his tribe. "I saw the wall of water coming, turned around and screamed 'Run as fast as you can! It's coming!'"

"As you can see, these people's ancient ways are clearly superior to our own," said Clyve Weatherspoon, Oxford professor of anthropology. "Imagine what prehistoric instinct told Salaman to tell his people to run - instinct that we have lost. Perhaps if we returned to the ancient ways, more people would have survived."

"This event proves the futility of our modern society," Barbara Chicherio, member of the Green National Committee of the Green Party USA, "these hunter-gatherers did something we could not. And now governments want to waste money on a tsunami warning system, when we have a biological one right here in these people."

After being evacuated to the small mainland harbor town of Khura Buri, the Morgan tribespeople marveled at the medical technology available.

"My diabetes is finally under control," said Mai Mai, an elderly woman of the tribe, "or as we call it, 'the disease that kills everyone at age 40.'"

"Look how much food there is!" said Juju, a twenty-five year old hunter, "usually it takes several days of hunting to bring back food to feed my three children. But look at all these shops in this market, the food is right here for the taking, for just some animal pelts. This is the best idea I ever saw."

"We will soon be repatriating the Morgan to their paradise island," said Chicherio, "they are already being corrupted by modern society. Look at that teenage girl, she would never wear clothes in the jungle, now look at her, covering herself up. Do you think she wants that? Do you think she wants the boys of her tribe to not be able to see her body. Who will want to buy her if they cannot see her?

"Many indigenous tribes have asked to stay. Obviously they are not thinking clearly, what use do they have for power or even steel tools? To build better shelters? They like their mud and straw huts, where every day is a fight for survival, hoping you'll find enough food that week, matching wits with Mother Nature. I truly envy them their existence, and I'm sure they can't wait to get back.

"Hey! Hands off that med-pack! You! Give me those rations back! Bad tribesman! Bad bad bad!

"Our evil society and technology has corrupted them. That is why we are forcibly repatriating them all. They will forget all the modern medicine and goods they could have soon enough.

"If only we could learn more from them. But our materialism is just too pernicious. They must be isolated for their own good. Someday they will thank us. Well, they won't be able to thank us, being isolated with no communication - but I'm sure if they could they would."