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Monday, February 07, 2005

Netherlands Outsources Euthanasia

The Netherlands, long heralded as the place to go to if you have a retarded child you need to kill, has recently reversed its policy on euthanasia, and will no longer be carrying it out on Netherlands soil.

"For many years we have been at the forefront of tolerance and acceptance, even passing laws barring criticism of extremists who do not believe in tolerance or acceptance," said Klaus Jagerberger of the Netherlands Euthanasia Association.

"The Netherlands has also been at the forefront of euthanasia. No child in our country has to suffer the pain of being different or retarded. For what good use is a retard? None that I know of - at least until this week, now that we know freedom fighters in Iraq are using children with Downs Syndrome as suicide bombers.

"Not many people realize this but it is expensive to euthanize a child. You cannot just kill them however you wish to, you have to do it humanely. While we do believe that killing them is much more humane than letting them live in their condition, we do not wish the little retards to suffer. But to kill a child humanely is expensive, requiring the right drugs, and so on. So, since we are euthanizing more and more children, we are finding that we are having to lower the quality of health care for everyone else. This is simply the cost of Liberty. Until now:

"Al Zarqawi's freedom force has run out of suicide bombers and is having to kidnap retarded children to use as bombers. That is when I saw an opportunity. It must be costly to find and capture retarded children, especially with the fascist US military running around, that dares to think 'liberty' means freedom. So I telephoned Zarqawi and told him we have retarded children we want killed, and he wants mules to carry his bombs. And we came to an agreement.

"In return for money and some premium middle eastern hashish and opium, we provide retarded children to them. And, having a vest of bombs explode is certainly a quick and painless death, so we feel good that our little retards do not have to suffer. I prefer to think of it as outsourcing euthanasia.

"Now with the US about to change their Social Security system, we are contacting the AARP hoping they will need elderly suicide bombers to protest. We have many elderly that we wish to euthanize which we think they may be interested in. Especially those with Alzheimer's. They won't even know what's going on anyway."