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Tuesday, December 07, 2004

John Williams Honored

John Williams, Elton John, and others were honored at the 27th annual Kennedy Awards last week for the profound impact their music has had on American culture.

John Williams is best known as the composer for the scores of Jaws and Star Wars. Unbeknownst to him, he received an additional honor when the President announced he would be the composer of the new Tribute to the President to replace "Hail to the Chief."

"In today's world of global terror," President Bush intoned, "the commander in chief of the armed forces of the United States must present a strong image. An image of someone who will not back down, or conduct surveys to determine if defending America passes a global test. That is why, by my latest Executive Order, I have asked The President's Own Marine Corp Band to change the Presidential Tribute from Hail to the Chief, to the Imperial March, commonly known as the Darth Vader Theme.

"The Darth Vader Theme is a strong, powerful march, that will project the power and majesty of the Oval Office to all who hear it. Whenever the President walks into a room, the Marine Band will play the Imperial March, letting all know that a strong man, who will defend America, is coming. Terrorists - watch out!"

Several people in the audience cheered, while most of the audience remained in hushed, almost shocked silence, no doubt awed by the power and majesty of the Oval Office.

John Williams was asked to say a few words. His great humility would not allow him to take any credit. "I am ... um ... very honored," he said. "I had no idea this was going to happen ... I assure you, I had nothing to do with this."

As the President left the building, the Marine band, evidently already informed of the change, played the Imperial March. Immediately as soon as the music started, several Arabic men, who apparently were hiding in the crowd, started screaming and running away holding their ears, and throwing RPGs and assault rifles to the ground behind them. Though they did not get far, as they were picked off by Secret Service snipers on the rooftops nearby.

On a related note, Ruffles and Flourishes (played just before the President enters) will be replaced by the theme from Jaws.