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Wednesday, December 01, 2004

French Journalists found in Fallujah

A firestorm of controversy has erupted after the bodies of French journalists have been found beheaded in a Fallujah insurgent "torture chamber." We obtained an exclusive interview with Chirac.

"We did what they wanted, why are they attacking us?" he asked, "We accepted the bribes from Saddam, and fought against American intervention...Hell, all through the 90s we argued in the U.N. to drop the sanctions against Iraq, so we could trade for cheap Iraqi oil in Saddam's 'Iraqi blood for oil' program. We would have even sold Saddam nuclear technology in the 90s if Germany hadn't beaten us to it.

"This attack against us, is as great a betrayal as 1200 years ago when we paid off the Vikings to stop invading us, only to have them come back in greater numbers! How many times will we have to keep paying people off?

"Obviously this is just further proof the U.S. must be stopped. Actually the U.K., Australia, New Zealand, and the English speaking part of Canada must be stopped too. If Anglo-Saxon military and business interests were removed from the mideast, and Israel gone, then they would be nice to us, obviously we did only part of what they wanted, we just have to do more, that's all."