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Monday, December 20, 2004

Electrifying Kiss Turns Out to Be Medicated ChapStick

"I was really excited," said Tim Jugend about his first date with Elaine, the barrista at his local Starbucks, "The date went great, we had so much in common, it was like the stars were aligned or something.

"Then at the end of the date when I dropped her off at her apartment, we kissed. And it was like fireworks! I felt my lips all tingly, like sparks literally flew between us. It was the most magical kiss I'd ever had in my life.

"We scheduled a date for the next day. When I went to pick her up she invited me up for a few minutes. That's when I saw it on her dresser -

"Medicated ChapStick.

"Of course! That's why the kiss was so great! How could I have been so gullible? She probably slathered it on right before, knowing the medication would make my lips all tingly.

"So I walked out and didn't even say goodbye, I was so disappointed."

"I've tried calling him, I don't know what's wrong," Elaine told us. "The date went great, at the end, we kissed. He is a great kisser. Then yesterday he just walked out on me and won't return my calls."

When we explained Tim's reasoning, Elaine told us, "What? Yeah I use medicated Chapstick, so what? It doesn't work, I haven't tried that since junior high. As if he could feel anything through those dead, chapped, peeling lips of his."

"Of course she denies it, " Tim told us. "Did you really think she would admit it? Manipulators never admit it, they fool even themselves. What I'd like to know is why would she do that? Why couldn't she have just been honest and given me a normal kiss? Why do I keep meeting these liars that want to take advantage of me?"

We tried asking Elaine, but she was busy out on other dates, "I have to pick someone up to take to the company Christmas party," she explained.

Tim called us and told us he is ready to talk anytime.